been having a bad week with my mum this week...

we had an argument because i shrugged her off when i was busy... and she took it as i dont respect her...

hurled insults at my religion such as how do i honour God when i dont respect my parents...

she thinks i don't care abt the family

when what i've been doing is caring in a different manner...



shrugging her off was a grave error on my part...

i've apologised and admitted my wrongs on my knees... cried like nobody's business...

r

but she's still ignoring me.. it's been 5 days... it's pretty unbearable because i really cherish my family...



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been juggling my family and ministries ever since my exams are over...

thankfully God has helped me in various areas...

even in the advancement of His ministries in WAC which he has placed me in...



not much ppl can really understand what i m going thru because there are certain matters i have been instructed to keep to myself

it hurts bad to keep it to myself... and prob can only disclose a little to ivy..



feeling the burden and biting my teeth to perservere because i don't want my doings to affect my parents' salvation...





being the eldest in the family... i wasn't one who cared much before until recently when God pointed out to me that i should put more effort into my r/s with my family...

especially their salvation..

realised that testimony is really something that we have to persevere for Christ

evangelism doesnt come without a cost...





been taking extra effort to gel my relationship with my 2 brothers

taking extra care of my youngest brother...

to reprimand and correct him of his mistakes... to let him see what's wrong instead of screaming and scolding him all day...





family asides...

in church...

having to support and lend a hand to tackle problems encountered in ministry...

sometimes i really asked God "why?? why can't these people be more sensible? and stop being so selfish"

i had to remind myself that God will change ppl.... because i really can't...





feeling burdened to guide the younger youths...

especially those who were outcast from the youths...

i was once a person who despise those younger than me... deeming their behavior childish until God had to remind me that He loves us ALL the same

and these who have no much good friends in church are most vulnerable to leave church...

i have no idea when this transformation happened... but i know who made it happen.. God



pastor mentioned before...

if we want to reach out and welcome/bring ppl into church

we have to close the back door...

and i realised... it's at the expense of our own comfort...





so much revelation...

so much grace...

i m feeling much better...

had Ephesians 4:26 to remind me and i called my aunt to cry out my aching heart.. something which i seldom do...

satan propped cigarettes... hurling of abuse back at my mum... hunger strikes... into my brain

but i'm glad that i did not sin...





at least even in bad times..

i know He's real

and He taught me how to praise and worship Him with no part of me held back despite circumstances



God, Please forgive me...

Please give me that extra bit to endure...

and learn to be more like you

Thank you for your guidance...