Time and again, I wonder if it’s a vicious cycle
Whether it’s something I have control over
Whether it’s something I could do something about it

It’s that time of the year, as I spoke to Arlene yesterday
Where people are super busy, either with exams or work commitment
Maybe less of work commitments as the worship team consist of mainly schooling teenagers

How we manage our time and commitment - Is that something that can be revolutionised?
I guess not, after all, all of us are created differently.

But perhaps, what I’ve learnt, is that how we cherish ourselves does affect the people around us, be it whether it’s intentional or not.
Or maybe, I got to admit, sometimes we are just too numb with ourselves to even care or bother what others think. Does that actually mean anything to us?

Deep down within, I know that I am able to keep a good hold of my feelings and to dispel negative thoughts. But sometimes, it’s really hard not to feel disheartened at the way things are.
Negative thoughts such as why should I bother?
Why is it that it must be always me handling things alone?
Why can’t others feel a little more passionate in this ministry?

Whenever I entertain these thoughts, I feel depressed.
Because I am looking at what I can do
Because I am looking at what I hope I can do
Because I am not looking at what God can do

Being understanding and considerate versus being autocratic
I’ve also come to accept that I cannot reach out to every single one person
I often find myself choosing to remain in my own comfort shell, in fear of being hurt when things don’t turn out the way I would like them to, especially when I’ve tried to
But I also know that's not the way it should be
And I should look forward to what God has purposed for me

What really makes a good leader?
What I realised that I can do, is with my limited small hands and energy, to show care towards whoever I can.
And what I do know is that through my little obedience, God can do greater things
And at the end of the day, I know that it’s not that I have achieved something, but because God enables me

I thank God because I guess I do know the answer to my frustration.
It’s a moulding process
It’s painful
I feel alone at times
But I guess God doesn’t mould clay with cement at the same time

Not being totally fluent in my thoughts, but I will be fine
I am sure, because my Father cares and what I need to do is to put down my defences and welcome Him to care for me so that I can learn better how to care for others